Dealing with emotion......and NOT eating to do it!!!

***WARNING, HEAVY EMOTIONAL STUFF WITHIN THIS BLOG***


This week will be a real test in strength for me. In a few days, it will be the 2 year anniversary of my Mom's death. At times, my emotions of losing my awesome Mom can still reduce me to an absolute mess. The days leading up to the anniversary are so hard, because in some ways I relive those last days.....the last time I spoke to her, the day that I received the awful phone call that she was not breathing and being rushed to the hospital in an ambulance and the horrible days following with all the emotional ups and downs before we had to finally say goodbye. Ironically, during those days I *couldn't* eat. I had to remind myself to do so and actually force myself to do it. Funny too, because people feel so helpless to do anything so they FEED you, because it's doing something. We had way more food hanging around than we could deal with at the time.

I more than made up for it afterward though. *rolling eyes* I didn't realize it for quite some time, but I'm an emotional eater. It was definitely not a conscious choice I was making. Like, "I'm feeling sad and crappy today, so I'm gonna stuff my face." But, I think that I would eat mindlessly trying to fill that HUGE void in my life that losing my Mom left behind. I could eat chocolate especially like nothing else......because chocolate makes everything better, right? ;)
It will be an emotional week+ for me coming up because of all of that, but also because school is starting a week from today. But, this year, my "baby" is going to school too and after 11 1/2 years of *always* having at least one child with me, I will be alone. All day long, 5 days a week. One one hand I am so excited and can't wait for that liberating feeling of being able to do pretty much whatever I want. Really exciting things like going to the grocery store in silence, with no children whining or complaining or begging me to buy them something. LMBO On the other hand, it's a sad and empty kind of feeling. *sigh*

So, I'm glad for the insight I have gained about myself and my past habits and hopefully will stay on the "wagon" this week and not self medicate to deal with my emotions. I will keep myself busy and tell myself.....I WILL STAY ON PLAN! I WILL STAY ON PLAN! I WILL STAY ON PLAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)