I'm still "ME"....same person I've always been.

As you might imagine, I've gotten a lot of attention over the past year + with my weight loss. The feedback has all been positive, uplifting, encouraging, amazing.....and sometimes a little uncomfortable.

It's not that anyone has EVER said the wrong thing or been out of line in anyway. But, after YEARS and YEARS of pretty much flying "under the radar," being unnoticed and even neglected in some ways. After years of having people not really even making eye contact with me, let alone really talking to me more than small talk and getting to know ME and what's underneath the exterior, people are suddenly very engaging. After years of having doors let close on me, men are opening doors for me and turning their heads for a second look. It's a little bizarro and can be uncomfortable at times. Heck, even my husband of nearly 14 years is looking at me and complimenting me in ways like never before.

So much has changed for me, so quickly, that in many ways I'm still catching up mentally to my "new" physical self. I look in the mirror at the gym in Zumba and I can see that I am actually one of the smaller people in the class.....and yet, I don't "see" myself that way.

I've been reflecting on this a bit lately and realizing how truly differently people treat people that are obese. I guess I didn't realize at the time that I was really being treated any differently....but I was. I mean, aside from our parents having the "we're concerned about your weight/health" talks with us, no one ever said anything about it. I never had some really awful thing that I have heard said to other people said to me. I guess, instead, I was just ignored. Now, I take some credit for this...as for a good while I just sort of kept to myself. I guess I sort of hibernated and didn't put myself out there much either. I unintentionally made myself out of sight/out of mind. And I felt VERY alone and very lonely. *sigh* So, part of it was definitely me......and the other, I became one of the countless faces of the obese. A face that people see, but don't really SEE.

I'm doing things now that I haven't in a very long time. I feel happy and positive and energetic and maybe it's sort of like the laws of universe or karma......the whatever you put out there, is what comes back to you sort of thing. So, I realize that I am having to relearn how to really interact with other people. How to integrate myself back into a world that shut me out and that I shut myself out of.

But, I'm still ME. Maybe a better form of me....but ME nonetheless. I still have the same brain, the same heart, the same soul and the same feelings that I have always had. As I still work on my physical transformation and have begun the journey of maintaining (while hopefully still improving) the self that I've become, I find that I'm now having to think about things and deal with a lot more on the mental, emotional and spiritual changes too. It's interesting, to say the least. No matter what, I can now say that I truly love myself and that's something. :) No matter what or how others view me or respond to me or love me.....I LOVE ME.....and know that I was loveable all along. :)

BABY YOU'RE A FIREWORK!!!!!

Never did I realize when choosing "Firework" as my song on here that it would end up having double meaning. :) After spending a few days camping in the beautiful Smoky Mountains, I returned home to my scale that I'd been unable to obsess over for a few days. LOL ON the 4th of July. Though it was afternoon and I'd already been eating during the day....and drinking a ton....I stepped on my scale before getting in the shower (habit) to was the camp off of me. The number staring back at me surprised me as it was the same as my previous weight taken first thing in the morning after "fasting" all night. So, doing a little math, I *knew* I had to have hit my goal. Either ON the 4th or the day before....which either way I was unaware...but came to the realization that my goal had in all likelihood been reached ON the 4th, the day of fireworks. :) Just had to wait till yesterday morning for the ultimate confirmation....WHICH I RECEIVED!!!!! A day later, I can still hardly believe it.....that I DID IT!!!! I have reached the end of one journey and am about to start another. :)

So what happens now??? For the next week or so, I continue to do what I've been doing for over a year now. Still eating the 5 prepackaged replacement meals and my own "lean and green" meal. Then I will start the true transition process in which I start adding foods that I've been abstaining from, back into my diet and weaning OFF the prepackaged meals. I will admit it, I'm nervous. THIS is where the real hard work begins. Learning to have true balance in all things and working hard to keep all the weight I've lost off. I have learned so much about myself and about how this all works. I've also met some really awesome people along the way who have done the same thing I am doing, who are down the "transition road" a ways, who I can and will lean on for support. I will NOT let myself down. I love myself now and am so proud of what I have done and will NEVER go back to what and who I was before. I'M A FIREWORK!!! :)

Here are my "GOAL" photos!!! :)

Starting weight 280. Current weight 130. ONE HUNDRED FIFTY POUNDS LOST FOREVER!!!! :)