Surviving,,,,,,

I'm in the thick of all the emotional stuff I blogged about below. Two years ago today, my life was turned upside down. It was the beginning of the end of my beautiful, awesome Mom's life. It's been a very, very rough few days for me emotionally. Lots of tears shed. But, I am being good and am staying on plan. Just praying I stay strong through the rest of the week.

This is my Angel. My beautiful Mom. I know she is looking down on me and Erik and is so happy for and proud of us. :)

Dealing with emotion......and NOT eating to do it!!!

***WARNING, HEAVY EMOTIONAL STUFF WITHIN THIS BLOG***


This week will be a real test in strength for me. In a few days, it will be the 2 year anniversary of my Mom's death. At times, my emotions of losing my awesome Mom can still reduce me to an absolute mess. The days leading up to the anniversary are so hard, because in some ways I relive those last days.....the last time I spoke to her, the day that I received the awful phone call that she was not breathing and being rushed to the hospital in an ambulance and the horrible days following with all the emotional ups and downs before we had to finally say goodbye. Ironically, during those days I *couldn't* eat. I had to remind myself to do so and actually force myself to do it. Funny too, because people feel so helpless to do anything so they FEED you, because it's doing something. We had way more food hanging around than we could deal with at the time.

I more than made up for it afterward though. *rolling eyes* I didn't realize it for quite some time, but I'm an emotional eater. It was definitely not a conscious choice I was making. Like, "I'm feeling sad and crappy today, so I'm gonna stuff my face." But, I think that I would eat mindlessly trying to fill that HUGE void in my life that losing my Mom left behind. I could eat chocolate especially like nothing else......because chocolate makes everything better, right? ;)
It will be an emotional week+ for me coming up because of all of that, but also because school is starting a week from today. But, this year, my "baby" is going to school too and after 11 1/2 years of *always* having at least one child with me, I will be alone. All day long, 5 days a week. One one hand I am so excited and can't wait for that liberating feeling of being able to do pretty much whatever I want. Really exciting things like going to the grocery store in silence, with no children whining or complaining or begging me to buy them something. LMBO On the other hand, it's a sad and empty kind of feeling. *sigh*

So, I'm glad for the insight I have gained about myself and my past habits and hopefully will stay on the "wagon" this week and not self medicate to deal with my emotions. I will keep myself busy and tell myself.....I WILL STAY ON PLAN! I WILL STAY ON PLAN! I WILL STAY ON PLAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Erik @ 80 Pounds Lost!!!

After a s-l-o-w couple of weeks, Erik FINALLY hit 80 lbs lost!!! WOOHOOO!!! GO ERIK!!!!! It's so frustrating when you're >< this close to another milestone and your body teases you.....and that's what's been happening to him the past couple of weeks. So, he made a progressive collage pic to show where he has come from April 16, 2010 till today. That's 16 weeks and 2 days. :) Isn't it CrAzY?????? :)

Sixty!!!

Finally hit 60 lbs this morning!!! Wooohooo!!!!! Here's updated pics! :)

Website

Along with becoming health coaches, we have now been hooked up with our own website. This website has a couple of videos go into a little more detail about what this program is all about. Check it out at www.TeamSimper.com

Short term investments.....

So, I decided that since I'm at nearly 60 lbs lost, 59 to be exact, that I needed to make a couple of short term investments to my wardrobe. I can still wear stuff...but things are so loose that they are not comfortable loose....they are uncomfortable. I also decided the act of pulling my bra straps back up in public was not exactly attractive. lol So, got a new bra that FITS and then picked up a cheap pair of denim capris to help get me through the rest of the warm months and a new shirt as well. Think I'm gonna pick up another pair of capris too. It felt so good to be in clothes that actually FIT. I think I spent so long trying to stuff myself into clothes that didn't particularly fit me and then going the opposite direction and have been trying to hold off buying new stuff that won't fit for long either, that I've forgotten how good it feels to be in well fitting clothes! Must have made a difference in my appearance having the girls back in their proper place and well fitting clothes because I got so many compliments last night. :) I walked out of the Church feeling so good about myself! :) It was awesome!!!

Something else that's awesome is that I looked at a BMI chart this morning and have now gone from being "extremely" obese to just plain obese. Gosh, I hate the word "obese." It's just a gross sounding word. But, I'll take just being obese over extremely obese and will be thrilled when I'm just called overweight. lol
Still got a ways to go, but these are exciting milestones!!! :)

Happy Anniversary to us!!!!!

Today is our 13th anniversary!!! :) Erik is now close to the size he was when we got married.....though a little less hair! lol I still have all my hair, but have a ways to go to be the same size. ;) I still have my wedding dress though and though I obviously won't be wearing it anywhere, I WILL be able to say I fit in to it again someday and maybe even say it's too big for me! :) I was very happy at that size, though I honestly don't remember what I weighed back then. When I fit back in that dress, I will be a very happy girl! :)

Here's a pic of us on our wedding day. Gosh, we were so young and cute and thin!!! :)



There's a pic on the side bar of what we look like now. :)

Just for fun, I'm posting this video I took of Erik last weekend. Our 5 year old is OBSESSED with doing cartwheels (one handed, no less!) and wanted me to take video of him doing them. So, Erik decided that he would do cartwheels too! :)



Not bad for an almost 35 year old, eh? lol He definitely wouldn't have been doing that nearly 80 pounds ago! lol

We haven't looked or felt this good in a long time and I'm so excited to think that this time next year, we'll both have reached our goals and looking and feeling completely FABULOUS. Oh, and I WILL be posting wedding dress pics when that day comes! :)